


The Old Double Whammy

by TipsyRaconteur



Series: The Old Razzle Dazzle [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Drag Queens, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Glitter In Interesting Places, Humor, Kakashi in drag, Sakura in drag, Shiny Party Dick, That Sequel Nobody Asked For, i'm still not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-11-27 05:10:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18190184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TipsyRaconteur/pseuds/TipsyRaconteur
Summary: Sequel to The Old Razzle Dazzle.Kakashi's going on another entertaining mission—and this time, he won't be the only one in drag.





	1. Daze and Dizzy 'Em

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Remember that sequel to Razzle Dazzle I promised back in December? You didn't think that was actually going to happen on time, did you? ^^; If you're just stumbling onto my stories for the first time, this is a SEQUEL! Please go read "The Old Razzle Dazzle" and then come back! You (almost certainly) won't regret it! 
> 
> Part of this chapter was already posted on Tumblr, and also be reminded that these chapters are designed to be posted on Tumblr, and will therefore be pretty short. I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for reading, reviews are deeply appreciated!
> 
> Edited to add: I am a HORRIBLE person because I forgot to thank Nyxako and k_waifu for being my awesome, awesome betas! My stories are so much better because of you! <3

Sakura panted as her head hit the pillow, her heated body covered with a cooling sheen of sweat. The soft panting of her breath sounded loud in the stillness of Kakashi’s apartment. Kakashi sank to the mattress beside her, his own breath still coming fast. As little orgasm aftershocks pulsed through her body, making her shudder, he smiled.

"Are you okay?" he asked, propping himself on one arm and trailing his fingertips over her hip. 

Sakura responded only by stretching languidly and giving an inarticulate moan.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he replied with a quiet laugh as she rolled toward him, nuzzling up to his chest. 

Sakura closed her eyes, smiling a little as she breathed in his scent. She _had_ enjoyed herself—in fact, in the six months since the mission that had brought them together, Sakura had grown to enjoy Kakashi's company very much. That mission had completely upended their friendly relationship, sparking a fierce chemistry between them that had surprised them both. Since then, they'd been spending more and more time together.

She didn't know what to make of it. They'd both carefully avoided defining their relationship in any way, and neither had told anyone else about it. While they had both dropped honorifics in private, in public they were still "Sakura-chan" and "Kakashi-sensei." Sakura had an easy time keeping the secret, for the most part, but lately it seemed like it was getting harder to do. It seemed impossible to her that other people could watch them interact with each other and not know that they were more than friends. Even when they were alone together, it seemed like their words had become more consequential.

"I always enjoy myself with you." Sakura mumbled her reply into his chest, humming happily as he snaked his arm around her waist. 

When her body was flush against his, he trailed his hand up her back and then cupped the back of her head, tipping her face up and placing a lingering kiss on her lips. "I always enjoy myself with you, too." 

Sakura smiled, her stomach doing a little flip. Her body's reactions to Kakashi certainly hadn't dimmed any since they’d first gotten together—if anything, they'd only gotten stronger. Tipping her head slightly to the side, she replied in a coy tone. "I guess you're just going to have to spend more time with me, then."

A returning smile curled Kakashi's lips, but his deep grey eyes were serious as he held her gaze, murmuring, "Sakura, I think—"

A sharp tapping at the window interrupted him. Frowning, he released Sakura, letting her rest back against the mattress as he sat up. Sakura watched his profile as he turned toward the window, much more interested in his handsome face than she was in the messenger bird that she knew was at the window. The tapping came again, more insistently this time, and Kakashi muttered "all right, all right" as he pulled on his pants and padded to the window.

When he pushed his plain curtains out of the way, he was greeted by the sight of one of Konoha's messenger hawks perched on the window sill. Sliding the window open, he let the hawk step inside. As it extended one of its legs, Kakashi reached down and unfastened the message tube that was tied above its foot. Without further ado, the hawk hopped back onto the sill, spread its wings, and flew off. 

Kakashi walked back toward Sakura and sat beside her on the bed as he opened the tube, pulling out the note inside. Sakura heard the sound of something rattling in the tube but ignored it as she watched a confused frown cross Kakashi's face. "What is it?" she asked.

He handed her the note, and she scanned the nearly illegible scrawl. _"Come to my office ASAP. Go get Sakura and bring her too. I have a special mission for you both. Bring this—you're going to need it."_ Beneath the note was Naruto's sloppy signature. Lowering the note, Sakura raised her eyes to Kakashi and was about to ask him what it was all about when he shook the object in the tube out onto the bed.

They both stared for a long moment at the black tube that lay on the bed. Sakura reached out and picked it up, pulling off the cap to reveal bright red lipstick. On the bottom of the tube was the name of the color: “Lady Danger”. 

Sakura's eyes shot up to Kakashi's. He was already scowling, even as an unbidden grin began to break across her features. 

"No," he said firmly. 

There was only one thing a "special mission" that involved lipstick could mean. Sakura's grin only grew as she excitedly said, "Looks like you're going to have to bring Setsuko out of retirement." 

Kakashi fell back across the bed with a groan. "Fuck me."

Sakura began to giggle.

* * *

Sai stared at Naruto from across his desk in the Hokage Tower. If he had been a more expressive man, he might have let his jaw hang open, or blinked in surprise. But he just stared, and calmly uttered, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

Naruto's blue eyes bore into him intensely as he responded, "I need you to dress in drag."

Sai's eyes narrowed minutely. "And just so I'm understanding..."

"'Drag' means that you'll be dressed like a woman," Shikamaru clarified.

That was exactly what Sai had thought it was, and he took a moment to mentally congratulate himself on knowing the colloquial term. "So, I'll be dressed like a woman. And I'll be..."

"Going undercover to follow Kakashi and Sakura." Naruto leaned forward slightly, placing his hands on his desk. His voice lowered slightly as he continued, "And I need you to film them.”

Sai's brow furrowed a little. "And they will be...?"

"Also in drag." Naruto maintained his fierce eye contact. 

“But Sakura is already a woman,” Sai pointed out.

“She’ll be dressing like a dude,” Shikamaru replied. 

Sai stared at Shikamaru. Shikamaru looked lazily back. Sai shifted his gaze back to Naruto, who hadn’t taken his eyes off him. Sai thought for a moment about what ‘dressing like a woman’ could entail, and said, “Women wear lots of things.”

Because Naruto _was_ an expressive man, he _did_ blink with surprise. "I... yes?" 

"Therefore, dressing in this 'drag' could mean many things. Will I be a professional woman in a suit? A woman cooking dinner for her family? Maybe I will be a kunoichi, ready to fight..." he said, trailing off as his hands twitched by his side. He wished he had his sketchbook. He was having all sorts of ideas. 

"Ah... Sai..." Naruto said, trying to get Sai’s attention again. When Naruto saw Sai look back toward him, he continued, "Ino will be working with you to pick out your outfit. All you need to do is be there to film everything. _And don’t let them see you.”_

"And look pretty," Shikamaru added drolly.

"And look pretty," Naruto agreed. "That will make it easier for you to blend in." 

Thinking about that, Sai tilted his head slightly. "But there are many different ways that women can be pretty." 

Naruto flailed his hands slightly in frustration. “Well, you’re gonna be the kind in a slinky dress, okay? Just be ready to leave tomorrow. Shikamaru will send the rest of the details to your house tonight and set you up with your filming equipment.”

There was a knock at the door, and Shikamaru cleared his throat. “That’s probably them.”

Naruto make a shooing motion that indicated that he wanted Sai to go out the window. “Hurry. Don’t let them see you.”

Sai, who was in the midst of climbing up onto the open sill, paused and asked, “Will it be a very colorful dress? Because really bright colors aren’t very flattering on—”

“Just go, Sai!” Naruto said as he gave him a none-too-gentle shove, and Sai stepped out of the window and anchored his feet to the side of the building, darting down toward the ground. He was tempted to stay near the window and overhear the conversation that was about to happen, but he figured he should head home.

After all, he had lots of ideas for how he should be dressed for this drag mission, and he needed to have his sketches ready to show Ino. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lady Danger" lipstick is by M.A.C


	2. The Big Bamboozler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I neglected to mention it last chapter, I want to thank my betas, Nyxako and k_waifu, because my stories are so much better because of their support. Another special thank you to aliikatt, who did an AMAZING picture of Kakashi with smudged lipstick on her tumblr page that you can see [ here](http://aliikatt.tumblr.com/post/183755535795/drawn-for-tipsyraconteur-from-their-fic-the-ol).

Sakura sighed as she stared at Naruto across his desk. He’d been wearing the same amused smirk since she’d walked in, and she was getting sick of it. It was ruining the good mood she'd had ever since she'd learned that Naruto was sending Kakashi on another mission—a mission that required lipstick.

Although Sakura and Kakashi had both been tangled together in his bed when Kakashi had received the summons to Naruto’s office, they’d left at different times to avoid raising suspicion. The result was that Sakura had arrived at the Hokage Tower first. Now she, Shikamaru, and Naruto were all waiting for Kakashi to arrive.

She’d tried to ask Naruto why he’d summoned them both, but Naruto had just smiled impishly and said, “Oh, you’ll see.” His smugness had been infuriating, and she’d been filling the rest of the time waiting for Kakashi to arrive by wondering exactly what the legal ramifications of smacking your Hokage were.

There was a breeze through the open doorway and then Kakashi suddenly appeared standing beside Sakura, slouched into his usual casual posture. "Yo."

Naruto clapped his hands together and leaned forward slightly, staring pointedly at Kakashi's masked face. "Are you wearing it?"

One eloquent silver brow lifted. "Wearing what?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "You know. _Lady Danger_ _!_ " he practically bellowed, obviously referring to the lipstick of the same name that he’d included with Kakashi’s message.

"It wasn't my color," came Kakashi's deadpan reaction.

Naruto frowned for a moment before he suddenly brightened. " _That_ means you tried it on!"

Getting tired of this line of questioning, Sakura tried to keep the exasperation out of her voice as she asked, "Naruto, are you going to tell us why you called us here?"

A triumphant smile spread over Naruto's face. "I have another mission for you. Shikamaru, why don't you explain things?"

Shikamaru, still sitting calmly at his desk to the side of the Hokage's office, leaned back in his chair. "The target is a missing-nin known as Kizuato. He operates on the fringes between Fire Country and Wind Country. We've been gathering intel on him for a while now, but we still haven't found his compound.”

Naruto picked up the narrative. “A recent lead brought us to The Snatched Wig. It's a club on the border of both countries that has drag performances every weekend." He grinned a little when he said the word ‘drag’.

Shikamaru continued, looking bored. "Kizuato has a real thing for drag performers. Every weekend he picks a few out and takes them back to wherever it is he's been hiding. They're using transportation scrolls to get there, though, and none of our informants were able to follow them."

"So, someone has to infiltrate the club and get invited back to his hideout," Naruto finished.

Kakashi's eyes were stormy as he stated, rather than asked, "You want me to go undercover as a drag queen again."

Naruto flashed him a toothy smile. "You and Sakura will both be in drag."

Sakura had been trying to hide an amused smile of her own—she couldn't wait to see Kakashi in a dress again—but Naruto's words made her pause. "Wait... what? How can I be a drag queen?"

Leaning his cheek on one hand, like he couldn't have been less interested in the conversation, Shikamaru clarified, "You're going to be a drag _king_."

Kakashi turned to look at her, his eyebrows shooting up with surprise—and then his eyes crinkled with what she just knew was a triumphant grin. It was obvious that he was inordinately pleased that she would have to dress in drag, too. She wanted to throw something at him.

Sputtering and turning back to Naruto, she countered, "But if the target likes drag queens—"

"I didn't say that," Naruto said. "I said he likes drag _performers_. Who knows what he'll be in the mood for that night? This doubles our chances. Oh, also…" He leaned forward again, that toothy smile growing slightly more dangerous-looking. "You're going to have to do an actual performance this time. You know, a song and dance—the whole nine yards."

There was the slight hissing sound of Kakashi biting back a curse, and Sakura felt her own stomach drop. "Naruto, _no_ , I can't... I'm a horrible singer!"

"It's true, she's completely tone-deaf," Kakashi muttered, almost absently. Sakura frowned at him—it's not like he had to _agree_ with her.

Naruto and Shikamaru also looked at Kakashi, Shikamaru's face echoing some of the surprise that was plainly painted on Naruto's. "Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said slowly, "How do you know what Sakura-chan's singing voice sounds like?"

Sakura could feel the blood drain out of her face as Kakashi's eyes briefly flickered to hers, holding a panicked gleam that she hoped only she noticed. There was exactly one place in the world that Sakura sang—the shower. The last time she'd done it, Kakashi had been at her apartment, and he'd joined her and teased her mercilessly about her horrible singing—before thoroughly distracting her from what an irritating man he could be.

"Ah—" Kakashi began, but he trailed off, clearly at a loss for what to say.

Sakura spoke quickly, scrambling for any answer that Naruto would believe. "I used to hum to myself all the time on missions, Naruto. Just because you're not observant—"

Naruto's brow furrowed. "I don't remember—"

"Yes!" Kakashi interrupted, a trifle loudly. "Horrible humming. Completely off-key."

Sakura shot him a glare. He didn’t have to rub it in. "We get it, _Ka-ka-shi_ ," she said between gritted teeth, dragging out his name in her irritation. When Naruto gave her a weird look, she lamely added, "…-sensei."

Turning to face forward again, Sakura noticed something—Shikamaru was completely focused on the conversation in a way he hadn't been before, his dark eyes piercing as they moved between her and Kakashi. The contemplative look on his face made Sakura feel that dropping sensation in her stomach again, and she was relieved when Naruto resumed talking and Shikamaru finally looked away.

"Anyway, it doesn't matter, because you won't actually be singing," Naruto was saying. "Apparently it's more of a lip-syncing sort of thing."

That didn't make Sakura feel any better, and she crossed her arms sullenly. Sure, she was glad that she wouldn't have to actually sing, but that didn't mean that she relished the idea of putting on some kind of performance. She wasn’t the greatest dancer, ninja grace notwithstanding. And if she was honest with herself, she really didn’t want to dress like a man—growing up next to curvier girls like Ino, she’d always had a bit of a fear that she looked too boyish.

"When is this going to be happening?" Kakashi asked.

"You have a week to learn your routines and get equipped," Shikamaru replied.

"Equipped?" Sakura asked, frowning at the odd phrasing.

A slight smirk crossed Shikamaru's lips. "You need to get fitted for a suit... and a beard, I think. And Kakashi needs a dress."

"A _beard?_ " Sakura repeated incredulously. This was going to be worse than she thought.

"The rest of the details will be sent to you before the end of the day," Naruto continued, ignoring her. "Ino will be helping you with the outfits this time. You're responsible for coming up with your performance. Oh, and one more thing—" Here, Naruto smiled devilishly. "When you're getting ready for this mission, ask yourself: was it really worth not telling me the details before?"

Sakura's jaw dropped, and Kakashi stiffened beside her. When they'd refused to tell Naruto the details of Kakashi's last drag mission, she'd known that he wasn't going to let it go. But he'd just practically admitted to setting up this _new_ drag mission as a form of revenge. "That isn't fair!"

"You're dismissed," He replied in an annoyingly pleasant voice.

"Naruto..." Sakura growled.

Naruto coughed pointedly, and in a blasé voice, Shikamaru said, "The Hokage is busy right now." Naruto made a great show of examining his fingernails and not being busy.

Making a strangled noise of fury, Sakura clenched her fists and spun on her heel, stalking out of the office. Kakashi was silent behind her, but she knew he was there nonetheless, following her out into the hall. Her mind was on Naruto's obvious machinations—she couldn't believe that he had the gall to engineer this mission just to punish them. It was rankling at her more and more as she stomped into the stairwell of the Hokage tower.

"Sakura—"

Stopping halfway down the stairs, Sakura whirled to face Kakashi, stabbing a finger in the air and blurting out the first thing that came to mind. "I am _not_ completely tone-deaf!"

Kakashi looked like he was wincing beneath his mask as he answered, "You kind of are."

Scowling, Sakura pointed back in the direction of the Hokage office and said, "You're as much of a brat as he is!”

Holding up his gloved hands, Kakashi spoke in a soothing voice. "There's no need to be upset."

His tone managed to make her scowl falter a little, and she did her best to hang onto her irritation. "Stop patronizing me!"

His eyes were smiling at her as he laid his hands on her shoulders and leaned in, saying, "You're going to look great in a suit."

He was _totally_ patronizing her, and it wasn't fair for him to use that low tone. It was the same tone that he used when they were in bed together, and it made it hard for Sakura to stay angry. The best she could manage was a pout. "I'm going to look like a _boy._ "

"When you're done, I'll make you feel like a woman again," he murmured in a sultry fashion, leaning closer so that only she could hear, even if they were the only people in the stairwell. The line was so cheesy that she burst into laughter. He smiled at her as she laughed.

Finally smiling back, Sakura pointed out, "You know, you should probably be pretty upset about this, yourself. Naruto set this whole thing up just to mess with you.”

“It’s not so bad,” Kakashi said thoughtfully. “Last time I did drag, things worked out pretty well for me.” The look he gave her was heated. After all, when he’d done drag before, they’d ended up sleeping together.

Sakura flushed. It was a good memory. “Yeah, it ended up pretty well for me, too,” she replied.

Leaning into her, Kakashi nuzzled lightly at her temple, his voice soft. “You should invite me back to your house.”

“Would you like to come back to my house?” she asked sweetly, laughing breathlessly as he tugged her abruptly into him, reaching to form hand signals behind her back. In moments, they had both vanished from the stairwell.

Moments later, they were outside her door. Sakura fumbled with the doorknob and let them both inside, only to halt in her tracks at the sound of a very familiar squeal.

"This. Is. So. EXCITING!" Ino barreled toward Sakura from the kitchen, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her with elation.

"Stop letting yourself into my house!" Sakura managed to protest.

"Stop leaving your door unlocked!" Ino returned cheerfully. "Oh look, Kakashi-sensei is here! Perfect, I need to measure you for your outfit, too. I have so many ideas already." Clapping her hands together, she looked at Kakashi with aquamarine eyes that gleamed with excitement. "How do you feel about fringe?"

Sakura clapped her palm over her eyes, and Kakashi let out a groan.


	3. The Old Three-Ring Circus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter three! This story is completely finished now (besides some final edits), so the rest of the chapters will continue to come out on time in a weekly fashion. Thank you so much to everyone who is following, and especially to everyone who reviews. I didn't expect a sequel to do very well, so I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to encourage me. You guys are the best! 
> 
> In other news: first person to guess what movie Kakashi stole the choreography from gets a smooch from Setsuko!

"Fuck!" Sakura bit out as she tripped over her own feet and nearly fell. In spite of the fact that she was only wearing a sports bra and shorts, she was sweating. For the second day in a row, Kakashi was trying to teach her the moves for their drag performance, and for the second day in a row, he wasn't going easy on her.

They were practicing in a small private underground training arena that Kakashi had managed to secure from ANBU, and the sounds of her sandaled feet echoed as she clomped over to the boombox and pressed the stop button. Glaring at the perfectly-coordinated-despite-wearing-heels Kakashi, she demanded, "Why are you so good at this?"

"Ninja are supposed to be graceful," Kakashi replied indifferently, crossing his arms and almost certainly smirking beneath his mask. He was wearing his usual black pants and his fitted, masked undershirt—and a pair of sparkly silver high heels. He'd been reluctant to take them when Ino had shoved them and his new wig into his hands the day they'd received their mission. However, though he'd stoutly refused to wear the wig during practice, he hadn't been able to argue her point that he needed to practice dancing in the heels.

Dragging her attention away from Kakashi in heels—they really did make his ass look fantastic—Sakura scoffed. "This is way more than grace. You've choreographed an entire dance number. How do you know how to do all this?"

Kakashi cocked his head to the side, as if debating whether to answer, and then finally admitted, "Before I started leading Team 7, I had a mission where I had to go undercover as a dance teacher. I used the Sharingan to copy a lot of different styles."

Sakura perked up as she imagined Kakashi doing different kinds of dance styles. "Which ones? Can you do ballet?"

"Sure," Kakashi answered easily, eyelids creasing in a smile above his mask.

"Really?" she asked excitedly, imagining pliés and leaps and _tights_. "Are you any good at it?"

"Sakura," Kakashi began, leaning slightly toward her, the gleam in his eye belying his serious tone. "I'm good at everything." Sakura opened her mouth to challenge him, but before she could, he breezily continued, "Besides, you shouldn't be too impressed by the choreography. I stole most of it from the movie."

"What movie?"

He gave her a sharp look, as if he was surprised—maybe even offended—that she had to ask that question. "I can't believe you’ve never seen—no. You know what? That's not important. If I start trying to correct your woeful lack of pop culture knowledge, we’ll just get distracted."

Sakura was hiding her amusement at the conversation Kakashi was having with himself, but she snapped to attention when he suddenly said, "Let's get back to business. We have a lot of work to do if we're going to do this properly.” Beckoning her over, he pulled her into position and then counted, “Five, six, seven, eight!"

Sakura began to dance with Kakashi again, staring at their feet as she counted in her head. Within only three moves, she managed to stomp down accidentally onto his foot. He hissed, and they both abruptly came to a stop.

"Sorry," she said with a grimace, unable to keep the pout off her face. "I don't know why this is so difficult for me."

"You're overthinking it," Kakashi said with a sigh, walking around so that he was behind her. "You're focusing too much on your feet and it's stopping the rest of your body from moving."

Sakura started to turn to face him, but his hands were suddenly on her hips and they kept her facing forward. Heat rose to her cheeks as he pulled her flush against him. There was a teasing note to his voice as he spoke close to her ear. "Your hips are too stiff—you need to move them more." He slowly rolled his hips, and since he was pressed against her, it made her roll her hips, too. "Like this."

She laughed, but it was much softer and breathier than she'd intended. "Kakashi, this really isn't helping..."

His hands tightened slightly on her hips, and she heard an answering thread of humor in his voice as he answered, "I think it's helping a lot." However, he took the hint and pulled away, and she instantly regretted saying anything when she was no longer pressed against him. Facing her, Kakashi said, “Okay. Let’s try again.”

Promising herself that she would press herself against him later, Sakura returned her focus to the choreography. As they got into position, Sakura thoughtfully noted, "Ino's right, you know. You should really practice with the wig on, so you can learn how to work your hair."

To Sakura's great amusement, Kakashi tossed his head, and it was easy to imagine him with a full head of luxurious curls. "I'll be able to work the wig just fine."

"Oh?" She grinned, unable to stop herself from needling him. "Have lots of practice with that, do you?"

"How about you worry about yourself and those stiff hips of yours?" To emphasize his words, he leaned into her so that he could reach around and smack her ass.

"Hey—!" Sakura protested, but he'd already ducked away and pressed start on the boombox again, and she had no time to scold him before they'd launched into their routine.

Maybe it was just because she was determined to show him how well she could move her hips, but on this run through the number, Sakura did much better. She remembered every step, and since she was going to be the "man" and therefore be the one leading, she was also proud that she led well enough that Kakashi was able to hit all of his marks. When she'd caught him after a particularly graceful twirl on his part, he'd murmured "perfect" before whirling into the next step, and her heart had sung at the praise.

They finally reached the end of the portion they'd already practiced together, and they both came to a stop. Sakura was beaming, right up until the moment when Kakashi said, "That's great. Are you ready to try the lift?"

Her happy expression swiftly changed to a frown. "It's too hard. I'm too short and you're too long." A quiet sound that sounded like a strangled snort escaped Kakashi, and she glared at him and added, "If you're thinking about making a penis joke, I will kill you."

"It's 'dick joke', Sakura. Not everything has to be clinical," Kakashi cheerfully pointed out, shrinking slightly when her frown turned into a full-blown scowl. "That's not the point," he added quickly. "Let's talk about the lift. You're more than strong enough to do it. We just need to practice."

"Can't we just take it out?" Sakura asked, trying and failing to keep the whine out of her voice.

"Absolutely not," Kakashi insisted. "It's the best part of the movie."

_"What_ movie?" Sakura demanded.

Kakashi ignored her and counted off, "Five, six, seven, eight!" and launched into the final sequence of moves.

Sakura swallowed a curse and did her best to keep up, but the confidence she'd felt moments ago faded as she got close to the lift she dreaded so much. Kakashi had talked her through it multiple times, explaining that her strength would more than make up for the differences in their sizes, but the only time they'd tried it had resulted in Sakura using too much strength and launching Kakashi into the air. The incredulous look he'd given her after he'd landed _still_ made her feel embarrassed.

She knew she was physically capable of doing the lift; it was her lack of confidence in her dancing ability that was causing her to mess up. She just had to believe she could do it. Sakura tensed as Kakashi spun away from her and then came to a stop several yards away. His dark grey eyes locked with hers for a beat and then he launched himself at her, gracefully running—heels be damned—and leaping toward her waiting arms.

As Sakura caught him and lifted him above her head, she focused on not using too much of her strength—she didn't want him to go flying again. He held his body in a graceful arc as she steadied him, feeling the iron muscles of his abdomen flexing beneath her palms. As she succeeded in not dropping him, she lifted her face to shout her triumph—and realized she had nowhere to look but his crotch.

Feeling her face heat up, she began to lower him back to the floor, averting her eyes until she'd lowered him enough so that his face was above hers. When he quipped, "Enjoying the view, were you?" Sakura started in embarrassment—which interrupted her chakra flow—which made her drop him. On top of her.

Sakura crumpled to the ground beneath Kakashi with a surprised "oof" noise. If she thought he was going to apologize, the laughter coming out of his mask was enough to tell her she was mistaken. He did, however, brace himself on one arm to take some of his weight off of her, his eyes dancing merrily. "When did you become so easily distracted?"

"Right around the time we started sleeping together, apparently!" Sakura fired back. She'd meant it as a way to blame him for her troubles, but the way his eyes softened at her words made something squeeze inside her chest.

"Sakura," he began, his free hand reaching to brush a strand of hair out of her face. "After this mission is over—"

There was a gruff cough beside them, and they both turned to take in the sight of Pakkun awkwardly staring at them. "Sorry boss," Pakkun said. "But you said you wanted to be warned if anyone was going to come in."

Sakura swallowed her disappointment as Kakashi pulled himself off of her and extended a hand to help her up. To Pakkun he said, "Thanks. You can go."

Moments later, Naruto—or more accurately, one of his clones—came racing into the arena. By this time, Sakura and Kakashi were completely separated, and Kakashi had removed his heels. Naruto's clone slid to a stop with a look of disappointment, exclaiming, "You guys aren't even wearing costumes!"

"This is a private practice session, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said, his respectful tone completely unbelievable.

Rolling his eyes, Naruto's clone shoved a scroll toward Kakashi. "Shikamaru put together the rest of our information on your target."

"How nice of you to deliver it personally," Sakura observed dryly, if a little smugly, glad they’d managed to evade Naruto’s nosiness yet again.

"Whatever," the clone grumbled, turning and walking back to the doors with a dejected air.

Sakura turned to look at Kakashi's profile as he watched the clone leave. She watched his eyes crease in amusement above his mask, and she felt that squeezing feeling in her chest that had become so familiar of late. She opened her mouth to ask him what he'd been about to say when Pakkun had interrupted, but when he turned his twinkling grey eyes to her, she lost her nerve.

"Ready for the lift?" he asked, slipping his heels back on.

Resisting the urge to crane around and get a view from behind him, Sakura sighed and said, "Okay. Let's try it again."


	4. Stun and Stagger 'Em

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, so many people are getting smoochies from Setsuko! If you haven't gathered already from the comments, Dirty Dancing is the movie that inspired Kakashi and Sakura's performance. It seemed like the kind of movie this particular incarnation of Kakashi would enjoy. I can't believe how many people got it—I should have made it more difficult to guess! 
> 
> As noted in the The Old Razzle Dazzle, Kakashi’s drag name, Setsuko, is borrowed from Japanese golden age actress Setsuko Hara, known as “The Eternal Virgin”, because Kakashi thinks that's really funny. Sakura’s drag name is borrowed from Masaaki Hirao, who was a rockabilly star in Japan and whose performances you can find on Youtube.
> 
> This is mostly a transitional chapter, but it has my favorite line in the story, so I really hope you enjoy it!

It had been one week since Naruto had given Kakashi and Sakura their new mission, and after as much practice as they could cram in in such a short time, they were finally at the The Snatched Wig, the club on the border between Wind Country and Fire Country. They'd arrived the day before and scouted out the location, familiarizing themselves with the club, but there hadn't been much else they could do but wait for their big performance... which was starting in twenty minutes.

They were both ensconced in the private dressing room that the owner had given them to prepare in. Sakura had just finished carefully applying her false beard, just like Ino had taught her. It was a slightly darker pink than the pompadour wig on her head, and its sharp angles combined with the contouring she'd done to create a much more angular, masculine appearance. As Sakura eyed herself in the large mirror, she had to admit—she looked pretty good as a guy.

Ino had done an excellent job of picking out her outfit. The tailored, charcoal-colored suit was fitted where it needed to be and looser in other places, hiding the curvier parts of her body while accentuating the breadth of her shoulders and the lengths of her legs. It was made flashier by metallic silver pinstripes and shiny black patent leather shoes that had discreet lifts that made her appear taller. Approving of the forward view of herself, Sakura turned and looked over her shoulder. Yep. The tailored pants made her ass look fantastic.

From the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Kakashi stop moving. He'd been sitting at the vanity beside hers, dressed only in his pants, applying concealer to his ANBU tattoo, but he'd stopped to watch her, and his eyes were frankly admiring as he took in her new, more masculine appearance.

Grinning slowly, Sakura echoed the question he'd once asked her, when she'd first seen him in drag. "Learning something new about your sexuality?"

A lazy smile played over Kakashi's uncovered lips as he raised those deep grey eyes to meet hers. "...Nope."

The quiet heat in his eyes made her flush a little, and she abruptly waved at him, deciding to change the subject even as she filed away _that_ little detail about him. "Stop distracting yourself. I'm all ready and you don't even have all of your makeup on."

His eyes creased in that charming smile he always made when she scolded him. "You could always help me." When she walked over and rudely pushed him back in the chair, preparing to help with his makeup, he teased, "You're pretty dominant when you're wearing a suit. I like it."

"Shut up," she fired back, but she didn't really mean it, and he obviously didn't take her seriously, as he continued to flirt with her while she put on his makeup. With them both working—her applying shadow, him applying blush and maybe occasionally running a hand up the inside of her thigh—they were both able to get his makeup on in a record amount of time, with her only having to slap his hand away twice.

Still, no matter how much Sakura wanted to act like Kakashi annoyed her, his light teasing kept a smile playing on her lips—and made her completely forget about the pre-show jitters she'd started to feel. Instead, she'd focused herself completely on making him look fabulous, and she stepped back to admire her work. His eyes were accented in smoky black shadow, silver glitter, and long, sweeping false lashes. His lips were traced slightly bigger than normal and filled with a bright crimson lipstick.

Sakura thought she'd done an amazing job, but Kakashi seemed uninterested in looking in the mirror to see himself, even as she helped him put on his long, curly silver wig. "You're finished," she said when she'd fixed the wig into place, and he stood and unfastened his pants, ready to put on the rest of his outfit.

For a man who regularly wore a mask, he wasn't very shy about undressing. It was like once his mask was off, he didn't care how naked the rest of him was—or maybe he just didn't mind undressing around Sakura. Since there was no way his normal boxer briefs were going to work under a dress, he stripped those off along with his pants. Sakura tried to avert her eyes and give him privacy, but she wasn't made of stone, and her eyes ended up straying back to him. "Kakashi..."

"Mm?" he answered absentmindedly, not looking at her as he untangled the bra he was going to wear.

"You have glitter. On your..." Flustered, Sakura trailed off, gesturing vaguely at his crotch.

Kakashi looked down, lifting one shoulder in a lazy shrug. "So? Have you seen this place?" He gestured at the room in general, which _did_ seem to have glitter on nearly every surface.

Slightly exasperated by his nonchalance, she replied, "Well... it's going to get everywhere!" She couldn’t help but think about where that particular glittery appendage might end up later.

“Where else is it going to get?” Kakashi asked slyly, clearly reading her mind. When Sakura just flushed, his brightly-painted smile widened, and he insisted, “Besides, it’s festive!”

"It's going to chafe!" she warned, trying not to laugh. She really shouldn't encourage him.

"Get into the spirit, Sakura. Shiny party dick loves you!" he cooed, sticking his hips out slightly as he stepped toward her and _wiggled_.

Finally breaking, Sakura giggled as she backed away. "Put your stupid dress on!"

He snaked out a hand and loosely grabbed her arm, tugging her back toward him so that he could dip his head and nip at her neck, making her squeak as he purred, "You like me in that stupid dress."

She tried to remind herself again that she shouldn't encourage him, but instead she admitted, "I like you in anything."

"But you really like the dress," he said with a wicked gleam in his eye, pulling her flush against his shamelessly naked body. He seemed completely unbothered by the fact that he was wearing nothing but a wig and a face full of makeup.

Sakura was proud of herself for the way that her voice was only a little breathless as she pushed him back, keeping her eyes on his and not on his body as she scolded, "Stop teasing me. You'd better put it on before we run out of time."

Giving in, Kakashi pulled away from her and began to put on his outfit. Within a few minutes of him hurriedly scrambling to wriggle himself—and his shiny party dick—into the dress Ino had picked out, they were finally ready for their performance.

"How do I look?" Kakashi asked, his voice coy and slightly higher than before.

"You look..." Sakura trailed off as her eyes scanned his body. Ino had dressed him in a sparkly silver dress whose skirt was mostly fringe, the kind that would move and sparkle as he danced. The dress and the matching shoes complimented the silver of his wig, and the whole ensemble combined to make him look surprisingly ethereal. He was… beautiful. Not to mention the fact that the whole dress was skin-tight, and Sakura was learning that glittery abs were totally her thing. Seeing the amusement in his eyes at the way she was looking at him, she lifted her nose and loftily finished, "...way too comfortable in that."

Leaning closer to her, he teasingly echoed his earlier statement. "Liar. You really, really like the dress."

Sakura bit her lip as he dipped his head down and nuzzled her neck right beneath her beard—and the reminder that she had a fucking _beard_ on made me her have to hold in a snicker. Putting her hand on his chest (and resisting the urge to honk one of his fake breasts), she pushed him back and said, "There's no time for that. We need to get to the stage."

Straightening, Kakashi threw back his shoulders, sticking out his chest, and tossed his hair back. "Then let's get this show on the road." Without a look back at her, he strode to the door of the dressing room and threw it open, walking out.

Sakura watched him go, some combination of exasperation, amusement, and fondness on her face. Shaking her head, she followed him out.

* * *

Sai stood, still and poised, in the small balcony area in front of the stage. From this vantage point, he had a perfect view of the stage below. More importantly, his large fake sapphire necklace—which perfectly matched the long, slinky dress that he wore—was perfectly pointed toward the stage. And that was a good thing, considering the necklace contained a discreet but powerful camera that was capturing everything Sai pointed it at.

He had been waiting for Kakashi and Sakura to come out and perform for an hour, and he was glad that their scheduled time was approaching. As a good shinobi who knew how to stay focused on his mission, Sai had dutifully watched the drag performances that came before Kakashi's and Sakura's, and he'd found them to be too loud and sparkly for his tastes. All in all, he was looking forward to the end of the evening, when he'd be able to take off his costume and get rid of the heels that were currently pinching his feet, as well as the long black wig that was making his scalp itch.

Briefly taking his attention off of the current performance, Sai flicked his eyes toward the VIP section in the club's balcony, easily spying the scarred visage of Kizuato, Kakashi and Sakura's target. Kizuato had come in fashionably late, but his attention was completely on the show now. Sai was pleased that the plan was proceeding without a hitch.

"Hi."

Blinking, Sai turned to look at the man who had spoken beside him. Because Sai was a ninja, and the man wasn't very stealthy at all, Sai had been peripherally aware that he'd been walking by—but Sai hadn't expected the man to speak.

When Sai didn't actually say anything, the man coughed and continued, "I, uh, wanted to tell you that you look really great. Could I buy you a drink or something?"

Sai's brow furrowed. Why did this man think that he was incapable of buying his own drink? Pausing, Sai remembered that he was pretending to be a woman, and he also remembered what Ino had told him about what it meant when a man bought a woman a drink. Thinking he understood the miscommunication, Sai clarified, "I'm not actually a woman."

"Ah..." The man awkwardly shuffled. "Yeah. I know."

"I am also in a relationship. We have considered opening our relationship to others on a temporary basis, but as she is not with me tonight, I really couldn't make that decision—" Sai trailed off as he noticed the man slowly retreating.

"You know what?" The man asked as he took another step backward. "That's okay. Just forget it."

Shrugging slightly, Sai turned back toward the stage and instantly forgot about the man as the club’s host—a large, boisterous drag queen with a huge yellow wig—strode out onto the stage.

“I hope you’re ready for a special treat!” she announced. “Tonight, we have a brand-new duo who have come to perform for us! Get ready for some dirty dancing from Setsuko and Masaaki!”

As the lights suddenly dropped, Sai lifted up his necklace and pointed it toward the stage—and when the music started, he began to record.


	5. Go Into Your Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The performance chapter! This one was the most difficult for me to write, because hell if I know anything about dancing, so forgive me if it's clumsy. Also, I've got the awesome [meliss-cake's](http://meliss-cake.tumblr.com/) art up on [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155995/chapters/38333720#workskin) chapter of Razzle Dazzle, so go check it out! And if you missed it before, take a look at [aliikatt's](http://aliikatt.tumblr.com/) art on [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155995/chapters/38177165) chapter! Finally, I got to the point with this chapter where I just couldn't look at it anymore, so the final edit was a rush job—any mistakes are my own, and not to be blamed on my fantastic betas!

“Tonight, we have a brand new duo who have come to perform for us! Get ready for some dirty dancing from Setsuko and Masaaki!”

Sakura heard a hush fall over the crowd as the host announced them, and she held her breath as the house lights went down and the curtains opened in the dark. Slowly, she stepped out onto the stage. When a sudden spotlight flashed on and illuminated a radiant Kakashi—curly wig, fringed dress and all—there were several wolf whistles from the crowd.

This was it—they'd practiced all the dance moves, rehearsed lip-syncing the lyrics until they both wanted to scream, and now it would all pay off.

Their song began to play over the club's speakers, and the crowd's roar of approval told Sakura that maybe she really _was_ out of touch for not being familiar with it. She really needed to get Kakashi to admit to what movie it was from. Lip-syncing the opening lines, Sakura walked toward him, trying to walk in a dominant, masculine fashion—not the slouchy way Kakashi lurched around the village, but the confident way he faced his opponents. She held her hand out to him, hearing a few more scattered whistles from the crowd as she lip-synced about having the time of her life.

"Ready?" he whispered discreetly as he slid his hand into hers, and she gave him a nod that she hoped didn't look too nervous.

As the slow introduction to the song continued, she curled her hands around Kakashi's waist, and he gave her a smirky little smile with red-painted lips before she dipped him backward. The crowd "ooohed" as he gracefully swung his torso in an arc before she pulled him back up. Sakura spun him around, and as a woman's voice came over the speakers, he, too, lip-synced about having the time of his life. God, she couldn't wait to never listen to this cheesy song again. As choreographed, Sakura trailed her fingers down his side in a sultry manner, but she was distracted by the continual crowd noise, nervousness continuing to rise in her.

Kakashi must have sensed it, because as he finished mouthing the words to his line, he turned his head toward her and made a big show of teasingly nipping at her neck. There were a few howls from the crowd, and Sakura couldn't help but grin a little as the nip snapped her back to the present. This was a mission, there was no time to be nervous. Flicking her eyes toward the VIP section at the back of the club, Sakura was sure that she could feel their target's eyes on her. There was a smug look on Kakashi's face as he murmured, "He's watching," in her ear, confirming her guess.

She grinned at him again as the song's beat picked up, and they launched into the main choreography, leaving no more room for thought. Taking one of Kakashi's hands, Sakura twirled him away from her, only to pull him back, the moving fringe on his dress catching the light with every movement. He tossed his long, silver wig majestically, and Sakura fought the urge to giggle—damn it, he _did_ know how to work the wig.

Although they were caught in spotlights and surrounded by people, Kakashi kept his smiling eyes locked with hers, and there was something surprisingly soft in his gaze. Sure, he played up the campiness of their performance as he flashed occasional winks and pouts at the audience, but when he locked his eyes back on hers, there was that softness again. All she could do was beam back at him as they danced and "sang" together.

It wasn't like it was the first time they'd danced to the song. But something in the air was electric tonight, in the way Kakashi's eyes held hers, telling her something that she wasn't sure she understood.

The sounds of the audience faded away for Sakura, until all she knew was her body moving in perfect sync with Kakashi's, their mouths shaping the words that suddenly seemed more significant than before—the words about falling in love with someone, about being unable to get enough of them. _So, I’ll tell you something, this could be love_. As they both lip-synced that line, Sakura pulled him toward her—their faces close together, breaths mingling. They both forgot to mouth the next line as they lingered, and that soft look was in Kakashi’s eyes again as his hands tightened on hers.

Somewhere in the crowd, a drunken voice yelled, "STICK IT IN", and Kakashi threw his head back and laughed, breaking the spell of the moment. Sakura flushed and grinned and twirled him out away from her again. The moment may have been broken, but the feeling that came with it remained—that feeling like Sakura didn't need to think about her steps anymore, because her body just _wanted_ to move with Kakashi's.

Like being with him was the most natural thing in the world.

The smile on Kakashi's face told her that he was enjoying himself as much as she was—and their enthusiasm was not missed by the crowd. Those who weren't cheering were singing along to the song, and Sakura promised herself that she was going to make Kakashi finally tell her what movie it was from. As the song pulsed through the speakers, she grabbed Kakashi's hips and pulled them close to her own, grinding with him in just the way he'd taught her. The brief, heated look he gave her from beneath his false eyelashes made her already-quickened pulse jump in her veins.

Sakura licked her lips, watching the way his eyes dipped down to her mouth before raising again. She knew that she should be paying attention to the target, or her surroundings, or _anything_ but the way Kakashi's body moved, graceful and lithe in its shimmering fringe. There was a part where she lifted him off the ground and twirled him around, which the crowd loved, but all she could think of was the way he smelled—like makeup and hairspray, sure, but beneath it all was the smell of him, of clean sweat and _man_.

In the next steps, Kakashi twirled away from her, leaving her to dance alone as he watched. With everyone's attention on her, and just her, Sakura felt her face heating up, but she remembered all of her moves—and laughed breathlessly when Kakashi cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "Let’s see those hips move!" She swiveled her hips a little bit extra for him.

Both grinning, they rejoined hands, dancing the last few steps leading up to the big lift before Sakura twirled Kakashi away again. As the recorded singers sang "This could be love" for a second time, Kakashi didn't even bother to mouth the words as he backed up to get a running start, holding her eyes with his. Sakura held her breath at the intensity in his eyes, and then he launched himself at her and she caught him flawlessly, lifting him above her head.

The crowd went absolutely wild, screaming for them both. It probably wasn't every day when they got to see a petite drag king lift a much larger drag queen into the air. After a dramatic pause, where Kakashi held his body in a perfect arc, Sakura lowered him back to the ground. That same intensity was in his eyes as he held her gaze.

As the last notes played, Kakashi's hands came up to cup Sakura's head, and he leaned down and pressed his painted lips against hers in a kiss that was as fevered as it was unscripted. The audience screamed at this new development, and the music ended with a flourish as the house lights dropped and plunged them all into darkness.

The crowd kept screaming, but there in the dark, Sakura didn't care about them, or the target she and Kakashi were there to catch. All she knew was the feeling of Kakashi's mouth against hers, the taste of him against her tongue, and those words echoing in her mind: _So, I’ll tell you something, this could be love._

* * *

Sai stood in the dark, knowing his normally placid expression was replaced with one of surprise as he lowered his camera-necklace. Kakashi and Sakura's performance had been… unexpected. He knew he wasn't the best at picking up the subtleties of social interaction, but he'd sensed the chemistry between them from the second Kakashi had nipped at Sakura's neck. By the time they'd shared that heated kiss at the end of their performance, it had only confirmed what he had already suspected.

Cocking his head to the side, Sai considered the situation. Sakura and Kakashi were clearly romantically entangled, something that their performance had made clear. Sai had filmed that performance at Naruto's behest. In fact, now that he thought about it, Sai's instructions from Naruto had been to film "everything". Obviously, the performance was the main thing he was interested in—but wouldn't Kakashi and Sakura's clandestine relationship also fall under the umbrella of "everything"? Didn't that mean it should also be filmed?

Nodding to himself, Sai made his way to the backstage of the club—and he kept the camera rolling.


	6. Stiffer Than A Girder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi! Have some smut! Reminder: Kakashi and Sakura's drag names are Setsuko and Masaaki, respectively.

As the house lights dropped on the last frame of their performance, Sakura didn't even notice the sounds of the curtain coming down. All she noticed was the pounding of her heart in her ears, and the way Kakashi's muscular body felt against hers as he kissed her.

She only barely noticed how he tasted like lipstick.

Kakashi broke the kiss first, and as Sakura opened her eyes, she was greeted by his smoldering grey gaze surrounded by ridiculous false lashes. "Come on," Kakashi rumbled, taking her by the hand and pulling her into the rising lights of the backstage area.

As they quickly walked toward their dressing room, Kakashi gave coy waves to the various performers and staff members who stopped to compliment Kakashi's fringed silver dress, or Sakura's pinstriped suit, but he didn't once slow his pace—not even when Katsura, the owner of the club, came over and exclaimed, "That was wonderful, darlings!"

Sakura stopped, trying to ignore Kakashi's grip on her hand as she returned Katsura's smile. "Thank you so much! We hope we did your club justice."

"Oh, you did, sweetheart—and I'm sure you're going to get all of the interest you'd hoped for," Katsura replied with a knowing wink. As someone privileged with all the details of the mission, Katsura knew that they were there in hopes of gaining the target's attention.

"Excuse us," Kakashi said in a voice that was just charming enough to not be rude as he began to pull Sakura through the dressing room doorway. "I'm afraid I simply must speak privately with my partner," he said, oozing the kind of sparkly charisma that Setsuko was known for, and before Katsura could respond, he closed the door in her face.

"What's gotten into you?" Sakura asked him as he curled his arm around her waist and leaned her into the door he'd just closed. But she didn't need to ask, not when her heart was still beating fast from the way he'd looked at her when they'd danced—when that sickeningly-sweet song had talked about falling in love.

"I like dancing with you," Kakashi responded in a low voice that felt like honey on her ears. "I like the way your body moves with mine." He leaned closer to murmur the last part—only to stop, frown slightly, and begin peeling at her fake beard.

"We should really stay in costume—we still have to deal with the target," she protested, even as she tilted her head back to help him.

"We have time until all of the performances are over. We'll put the beard back on later," he replied, dipping his head to nibble along the jawline he'd just revealed, the strands of his wig falling forward and tickling her nose.

"You also have a ton of makeup on," Sakura said, holding in a laugh even as she realized that encouraging him to remove his makeup was the opposite of what she should be doing. For a moment, she forgot about wanting to kiss him and just wanted to tease him instead. Grinning a little, she reached out and squeezed one of his fake boobs, making a small “honk” noise as she did. She'd been dying to do that all night.

Straightening, Kakashi gave her a look that could blister paint before he shrugged out of the straps that held his dress up, letting it fall to his waist. As he wrestled himself out of his bra and fake breasts, she enjoyed the view of his toned chest and abdomen—before he abruptly dropped his hands to her hips, turning her and bodily moving her toward one of the room's well-lit vanities.

He lifted her into the tall chair in front of the mirror, and immediately went to work removing the rest of her beard. Sakura reached around him to grab her bottle of coconut oil and a clean cloth. When Kakashi leaned in to brush his lips against her newly-bared jawline again, she giggled a little and pushed him back so that she could begin to wipe off his vivid red lipstick.

His eyes met hers as she worked, and he gave her that same smoldering look from before, his eyes dipping to her mouth as she smiled, biting her lip. She wasn’t even aware she’d stopped wiping at his mouth until he prodded her in the side and said, “Hurry up and take the lipstick off.”

Her smile only grew at his impatience, and as soon as she'd finished taking all of his lipstick off, he'd pressed his lips to hers again. Beneath the slight taste of the coconut oil, Sakura could taste him again, and the warm stroke of his tongue against hers made heat coil in her belly. She felt his height drop several inches as he kicked off his heels, even as his hands slid under her coat and began to unbutton her shirt.

Kakashi's kiss and his fingers trailing over her skin were making short work of convincing Sakura to not care about the mission they happened to still be on. Her own hands began to travel, slipping under the fringed skirt of the dress that hung around his waist, running her palms up his smooth, pantyhose-covered legs. When her hands made it to his wonderfully toned ass, she gave it a squeeze, only to find her wrists suddenly caught in Kakashi's hands as he pulled back to give her another dour look.

"What?" she said, unable to keep from laughing a little at his expression. He still had the eyelashes on, and the wig, and it made all of his expressions that much more dramatic.

"Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have an erection in tights?" Kakashi deadpanned, and she broke into a peal of laughter.

"Actually, they're pantyhose," Sakura pointed out, laughing even more as he gave her the look again. Before he could say something that she assumed would be scathing, she shot her hand up under his skirt again, hooked her fingers in the waistband of his hose, and—with a small burst of chakra—ripped them down the side, using her second hand to aid in turning the hose into so many tattered pieces.

Kakashi groaned as she freed him, and she had the briefest of moments to observe the shape of his cock making itself known beneath the slinky fabric of his dress, before his hands were sliding back inside of her shirt and pulling her toward him. On the literal edge of her seat, Sakura gasped a little as his fingers trailed upward over the cloth wrappings she'd bound her breasts with, his fingertips finding the nubs of her nipples beneath the fabric.

"Kakashi," Sakura breathed as he grazed his teeth against her neck, arching her back to press her breasts into his palms. "We don't have a lot of time."

"I can be fast," Kakashi promised as his teasing hands finally drifted lower, unfastening her pants.

"Your history would suggest otherwise," Sakura teased, having many memories of him being the polar opposite of a brief lover. With a playful growl, Kakashi pulled her to her feet and then turned her around. Giggling, she braced herself against the tall seat she'd just vacated, tauntingly pushing herself back against Kakashi's rather obvious erection, and he held her hip with one hand as his other hand slid down the front of her pants.

"I can be fast," Kakashi repeated in a darker voice, slipping his fingers inside her panties and making a low, pleased sound when he encountered her already slightly-slick folds.

As he began to expertly tease her sensitive flesh, knowing by now exactly how to touch her, Sakura let her head fall back against his shoulder. Her pulse quickened as his fingers dipped down to gather some of her slickness before returning to swirl slow circles against her clit, making her whimper. He went to nuzzle her neck, but the profuse locks of his wig got in his way and he impatiently reached up to pull it off with his free hand, letting it drop on the vanity behind him.

The sound of people laughing on the other side of the door reminded Sakura of where they were. While that would normally have been enough to make her stop, in her current state of arousal, knowing how close they were to being caught only added a delicious element of danger to what they were doing. It made Sakura react to Kakashi's touches even more heatedly than she usually did, and his voice was rough against her neck as he murmured, "Fuck, you're wet."

"Kakashi, please," Sakura whined softly, arching back against him. "Stop teasing me."

The urgency in her voice must have affected him, because suddenly he was pulling his hand out of her pants and yanking them, and her panties, down over her hips. When they were both around her thighs, he smoothed a hand up her hip and then over the small of her back, pressing her forward.

Sakura bent over the chair, turning to give him a lustful look over her shoulder, but when she took him in, she made an unbidden, strangled “pfft” sound as she tried not to laugh. He had no lipstick on, but his eye makeup—complete with false lashes—was still as flashy as ever. He'd lost his wig, but tufts of silver hair poked out from beneath his wig cap. And then there was the way his sparkly dress was being tossed out of the way of the raging erection that he was aiming toward her. Sakura couldn't hold in her giggles, and they only got worse when he narrowed his sparkly eyes at her.

"Are you going to give it to me, Setsuko?" Sakura said coyly, still laughing.

Kakashi yanked her hips back into his so that his cock rubbed against her wet folds. Leaning forward, he sardonically rasped into her ear, "You're damn right, Masaaki."

Sakura's laughter turned into a breathy moan as his hand moved between them, rubbing the head of his cock against her clit, and she bit her lip as she pushed herself back against him. As he pressed himself into her, Kakashi groaned softly, and Sakura held back an answering moan, trying to stay quiet.

Suddenly, it didn't really matter that he was wearing a slinky dress, or that she was still in that awful magenta pompadour wig. They weren't Setsuko and Masaaki, they were Kakashi and Sakura, and the increasingly familiar feeling of him moving inside her swept Sakura away to a place where nothing mattered but him.

Sakura kept herself braced against the chair with both hands as he thrusted into her, arching back against him. With one of his hands tight on her hip, Kakashi snuck his other hand around and between her legs, teasing her further as he pumped into her with long, hard strokes.

As he rubbed fast little circles over her clit, Sakura clapped a hand over her mouth, just barely managing to muffle a loud moan. This only seemed to inspire Kakashi, and he increased the speed of his thrusts. She knew he liked it when she was vocal during sex, but apparently he _really_ enjoyed trying to make her moan when she had to be quiet.

His relentless fingers and the way he kept hitting just the right spot drove Sakura higher and higher until she was panting hard against her muffling hand, her whole body going rigid as it was wracked with a sudden, swift orgasm. Kakashi muffled his own groan by fastening his mouth to her neck as his thrusting grew ragged, her clenching warmth soon dragging him into his own orgasm. She throbbed around him as he released inside her, both of them breathing hard as they trembled against one another.

Kakashi gently pressed his lips to what was no doubt a reddish mark beneath her ear. Sakura reached up to press her hand to his cheek, and she turned her head to kiss him.

And then the door slammed open.

* * *

Sai couldn't believe his luck.

He hadn't had any trouble getting backstage—after all, Katsura, the owner of the club, was more than aware of Sai's presence as an undercover Leaf ninja—but he'd been stymied by the closed door between himself and his targets. But then Katsura, obviously too harried to observe social niceties, had strode right up to Kakashi and Sakura's private dressing room and thrown open the door.

And Sai—lucky Sai—was standing in just the perfect spot to get an eyeful of both Kakashi and Sakura in a compromising position. Sakura, pompadour wig and all, yelped as she pulled the edges of her open shirt to cover herself, her pants around her thighs. Behind her, Kakashi stood in half-naked disarray with chunks of silver hair sticking out of his wig cap and his dress bunched around his waist, only his position behind Sakura hiding his more delicate parts. It was very obvious what they’d been doing.

Blinking, Sai's fingers slowly drifted to the necklace that he wore—the one that contained the hidden spy camera. Carefully, he picked up the necklace's pendant... and aimed it more directly at the sight in front of him.

"Oh!" the Katsura said, obviously not having expected them to be in such a... predicament. "I was just coming to tell you that you were successful, and the target has invited you—"

"We get it!" Sakura hissed, interrupting.

Hot on her heels, Kakashi growled, "Shut the door!"

As the embarrassed-looking Katsura shut the door, Sai melted back into the shadows along the side of the stage. He was beginning to understand why Kakashi and Sakura had been so secretive lately—secretive enough to make Naruto suspicious about what they were up to and demand to know more. Of course, Naruto seemed to think that they were only being secretive to avoid Kakashi’s embarrassment about being in drag, but the truth was clearly much bigger than that.

For a brief moment, Sai felt the beginnings of a pang of guilt for having recorded his friends in such a private moment. But then he remembered that he was on a mission—and so were Kakashi and Sakura. It was Sai's job to record said mission, and Naruto had said that he wanted _everything_. A good shinobi always completed his mission.

Luckily for Naruto, Sai was a very, very good shinobi.


	7. Razzle Dazzle 'Em

"Of course they saw something, you were _inside me_ when they barged in!" Sakura growled through clenched teeth as she aggressively finished putting on her fake beard. Prior to this evening, she'd never thought one could put on a beard aggressively, but she was determined to try. She couldn't believe that she and Kakashi had been so stupid as to have sex in a semi-public place without making sure the door was locked. "The owner was right there... and that creepy queen behind him who looked like a doll! I don't even know who she was!" Sakura cried mournfully.

It had only been a few minutes since they'd been interrupted while in a very compromising position, and Sakura wasn't even close to being over it. Still, they had a mission to do, and that mission required them to be in drag, so while Sakura yelled at Kakashi, they both scrambled to get ready.

"It's not that bad," Kakashi said soothingly as he reached into one of the bags they'd brought and pulled out two ankle holsters designed to hold kunai. Letting them dangle by their straps, he hoisted his skirt up and crouched in front of her. Sakura let her eyes linger on the way the muscles in his thighs shifted, but it wasn't long before she was off on her rant again.

"Weren't you the last one through the door, anyway?" she pointed out as Kakashi tugged up one of the legs of her pinstriped pants to begin attaching one of the holsters to her ankle. "You should have locked it, I—"

Sakura broke off into a yelp as Kakashi's teeth sank into her thigh. Glaring down at him, she accused, "You just bit me!"

"Yes," Kakashi said, his eyes closing in a beaming smile.

"You can't just _bite me_ when I'm yelling at you!" she sputtered, attempting to ignore the thread of desire she felt from the way his fingers lingered on her ankle. What the hell was wrong with her? They had literally just had sex! And been _caught_!

"Did you not like it?" he asked, his voice dropping a little lower.

"I—damn it, that's beside the point!" Sakura said, feeling her face—and maybe a few other places—get hotter. "We need to focus on the mission!"

Chuckling quietly, no doubt at her clumsy change of subject, Kakashi finished attaching the first holster and pulled her pant leg down before moving to her other ankle. However, he apparently decided to forgo any further teasing, because as he strapped on the second holster, he said, "According to the intel, Kizuato, the target, gets to his compound by teleporting. Now that we've been invited to the compound, our job is to get in, use this scroll"—here, he tapped a small scroll that was strapped in beside her kunai—"to summon one of Sai's ink mice, and then wait for backup to arrive and secure the targets." He gave her a mischievous smile. "Bonus points if we have them disarmed by the time they arrive."

Sakura looked at him with suspicion. "By bonus points, do you mean that's not actually part of the mission, and you added that part yourself?"

Finishing strapping the second holster to her other leg, Kakashi finally stood, grinning a little as he began to look in the bag again. "Maybe."

Sakura couldn't help but smile at him a little in response. He could be so irritating and charming at the same time—but the charming part always won out. She watched as he drew a narrow silk scarf out of the bag. He considered it for a moment, ultimately sticking it down the front of his dress, making good use of the canyon between his fake breasts. Brows raising slightly, Sakura asked, "Aren't you going to bring any actual weapons?"

"I'll be fine," Kakashi replied in an unconcerned tone. Turning to face her, Kakashi leaned toward her until his face was right in front of hers, their noses almost touching. His hand rose just far enough to settle at her waist, and in that soft, low voice that she liked so much, he said, "How's my makeup?"

"It's good," Sakura answered breathlessly, because she was a weak, weak woman. Some small, clinically insane part of her brain started to think that, really, they'd already been caught, and all she wanted was a kiss—

"Time to go!" Kakashi chirped as he abruptly straightened, smoothing his fringed dress as he checked his reflection one last time in the mirror before striding toward the door.

Sakura blinked and then scowled at his back. He _absolutely_ did these things just to get a rise out of her. She was about to call after him how much she hated him, but he turned just enough to flash her a sparkly wink over his shoulder and a warm rush of affection moved through her—maybe something even more than affection. She definitely didn’t hate him.

The jerk.

* * *

Sai lingered silently by the doors that led backstage, inwardly perking when he saw Kakashi and Sakura finally appear. They were soon joined by one of the target's men, and the three of them headed toward the exit. After a few moments, Sai moved to follow.

As he passed the bar, Sai noticed the man who had approached him earlier turning away from the bar with a drink in his hand. Upon noticing Sai, the man made a face that made it look like he'd swallowed something unpleasant, and then abruptly walked in the other direction. Shrugging, Sai closed the rest of the distance to the exit and stepped out into the night.

Once outside, Sai turned just in time to see Kakashi and Sakura following Kizuato's men down a dark alley. By the time he'd arrived there himself, all Sai saw was a puff of smoke as the three ninja vanished. Sai halted, nodding to himself—they'd expected that the target would use a transportation scroll to get them to the compound. Now all there was left to do was to change back into his shinobi gear, rendezvous with the waiting ANBU team, and wait for the ink mouse to bring him back to the compound.

As he made his way to the rendezvous point, Sai contemplated how good it would feel to change out of this outfit and get back into his usual clothes. Still, he mused, he hadn't missed the contemplative look Ino had gotten when she'd fitted him for the outfit. He could be wrong—he often was—but he thought that maybe she'd liked him in the sapphire-colored dress. The more he thought about it, the more he thought that he should keep it, rather than throwing it away.

It could come in handy.

* * *

Once Sakura, Kakashi, and their unnamed escort teleported and appeared in what seemed to be the foyer of Kizuato's compound, they were swept away to meet him personally. Sakura managed to slip into a bathroom long enough to pull out the tiny scroll she'd been given. Opening it, she'd used her chakra to bring to life the small drawing of a mouse that lay inside, and it immediately sprang off the page and then out the bathroom's small window. Knowing that the mouse would find Sai and bring him and the ANBU squads, Sakura left the bathroom, satisfied that the mission would be over soon. After all, the cheap teleportation scroll that had brought them there couldn't have transported them very far—it wouldn't take long for backup to find them.

Sakura rejoined Kakashi, and they were both led from the foyer into a much larger room obviously meant for entertainment. The room was filled with a dozen low-level ninja—judging by their weapons and the fact that they _weren't_ identifiable from any of the Bingo Books—as well as a scattering of unarmed civilians, some in drag and others in regular club attire.

Kizuato stood toward the center of the room like a king lording it over his court. He had looked so intimidating in the low lights of the club, the occasional strobe throwing his scarred face into harsh relief, but here in the soft lighting of his compound, he looked... unimpressive. His face put him somewhere between Kakashi and Sakura's ages, and if you took away the three stripes of scar tissue across his cheek, he looked unassumingly boyish.

Eyeing him, Sakura remembered that he'd only ever reached chuunin level, according to his dossier—a fact that made her that much more positive that Naruto had sent them on this mission for no reason other than to punish them. There was no way that shinobi as powerful as her and Kakashi were needed to bring down this small-time loser.

Still, it was hard to be mad at Naruto when the amusing sight of Kakashi in drag stood before her as he paraded around like a peacock, tossing his silver wig with each coquettish giggle. He seemed to be handling the crowd well, so Sakura let him take the lead. She accepted a drink from one of Kizuato's men and followed as Kakashi began to flirt his way toward Kizuato himself. The men that Sakura had assumed were low-level ninja weren't wearing any hitae-ate, not even scratched-out ones to denote them as missing-nin, so she wasn't too worried about them.

As they finally reached the center of the room where Kizuato stood, one of the men tried to sling his arm around Kakashi's waist. Kakashi responded by plucking the man's arm off of him with two fingers, like he was holding a bug, and said, "Oh no, darling, I'm a high-class lady." Leaning in, he fixed the man with a disdainful stare. "That means I have a no-touching policy when it comes to henchmen." Straightening, he gave a sparkly wink to Kizuato. "Leaders, however..."

Sakura accidentally let out an amused snort at watching Kakashi being all twinkly and flirtatious, and he gave her a hard look as Kizuato looked at her quizzically. Kakashi clearly didn't think that laughing at the situation was conducive to whatever he had planned, but Sakura decided to lean into it and said in an amused tone, "Setsuko, you really are a slut."

Kakashi recovered instantly, loftily replying, "You say that like it's a bad thing," as he turned his full attention back to Kizuato, his gaze purposefully smoldering.

It seemed to work, because Kizuato held out his hand with a dark smirk, saying, "It's definitely not a bad thing."

Kakashi's painted lips quirked into a pleased smile as he lowered his head and positively stalked toward Kizuato, and Sakura subtly shifted her weight to the balls of her feet. They didn't actually have to do anything more than they already had—after all, their main job had just been to infiltrate the compound so that they could lead an ANBU contingent there—but from the predatory look on Kakashi's face, Sakura guessed that he felt like going above and beyond the mission parameters. 

When Kakashi reached Kizuato, he ignored his extended hand and instead trailed his fingertips up his arm. As he reached his shoulder, there was a flash of silver curls and sparkles as, in a blur of motion, Kakashi whipped the long, narrow scarf out of his cleavage. With the ends wrapped around his hands, Kakashi threw the scarf over Kizuato's head and then pulled it tight, and Kizuato gave a startled yelp that was quickly ended by the silk around his throat.

There was a beat of shocked silence, and then a lot of things happened at once. Several of the low-level nin that surrounded Kizuato tensed and drew kunai. Sakura, ignored, crouched low enough to be able to reach for the kunai at her ankles. As the men began to creep toward Kakashi and Kizuato, Kakashi yanked him back by his throat, and Sakura heard him murmur, "Konoha sends its regards."

Whatever he said next was too low for Sakura to hear, but whatever it was must have been convincing, because Kizuato went still and then croaked out a panicked, "Wait!"

Kizuato's men all froze, and Sakura slowly rose to her feet, a kunai in each hand.

"Don't do anything! He's gonna kill me!" Kizuato managed to get out, his airway obviously being compromised by the scarf.

"He's right," Kakashi said pleasantly, not even slightly relaxing his hold on the silk, and Sakura couldn't help but notice how nice his arms looked when they were tensed like that. As if reading her mind, Kakashi's eyes flickered briefly toward hers, and Sakura cleared her throat in embarrassment.

The men glanced at each other. Sakura narrowed her eyes. Kakashi pulled the scarf just the tiniest bit tighter. Kizuato turned a darker shade of red.

Finally, the man who'd tried to put his arm around Kakashi earlier spoke up and said, "Fuck this. I don't know who these assholes are, but what are some drag queen"—he pointed at Kakashi, then yanked a thumb toward Sakura—"and this skinny little excuse for a drag king supposed to—"

His voice was cut off abruptly as Sakura's fist collided with his jaw, sending it snapping shut as he was knocked off his feet and into the man behind him.

As both ninja hit the ground, Kakashi tightened his hold on Kizuato even further. Kizuato squeaked and a wet spot began to spread over his crotch, and the rest of his men seemed to wilt. At that moment, the doors sprang open and two four-man ANBU teams, led by Sai, streamed into the room.

Sakura heard mumbles of things like "Konoha" and "ANBU" and "shit" around her as Kizuato's men all dropped their weapons and raised their hands. Kakashi finally relaxed his hold on the silk he'd wrapped around Kizuato's neck, and Kizuato coughed roughly, gasping for air. He didn't even try to fight as one of the ANBU agents approached to cuff him.

"A more-or-less bloodless victory," Sai said with calm approval as he approached them. Pausing, he tilted his head as he looked at them—Kakashi in all his shimmering silver glory, and Sakura with her magenta beard and snazzy suit. Sai's eyes held what Sakura thought was a glint of mischief as he blandly pointed out, "Lots of people at home would love to see you like this."

Sakura frowned. "If you tell anyone—"

Kakashi interrupted, his eyes narrowed as he stared closely at Sai. "Are you wearing eyeliner?"

Sai stiffened slightly, and quickly—but still calmly—said, "Anyway, we'll take it from here. I suspect you both would like to leave and change before anyone else sees you."

Kakashi still looked slightly suspicious, but neither of them argued with Sai's logic. They both turned to leave, and Sakura paused to prod Kizuato, who now sat prone and cuffed on the floor. He definitely didn't look cool now.

"What a loser. Some guys think being mysterious and having a scar is replacement for an actual personality," she said amusedly as she joined Kakashi in walking away.

Kakashi paused slightly and gave her a similar narrow-eyed look to the one he'd given Sai, and Sakura was, of course, reminded of the scar that lay beneath his expertly-applied makeup.

Sakura grimaced. "Not you, of course. You have tons of personality," she amended weakly.

"Right," Kakashi said, sounding like he didn't believe her. Mercifully not waiting for her to say anything else stupid, he said, "Let's get the hell out of here."

He didn't have to tell her twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's all that pesky mission stuff out of the way! Now we're in the homestretch, with two chapters left, and everything's about to come to a head! See you next time!


	8. When You're In Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the homestretch! The next chapter is the last chapter. ;_; I hope you all enjoy this one, and don't kill me for the ending! As always, all of your reviews and follows are greatly appreciated, and encourage me to keep going!

"So, they went on these crazy drag missions, and somewhere along the way they fell in love?" Ino asked in a wistful voice.

"I don't know if they're in love, but they're certainly having sex together," Sai returned blandly, not sure if he'd know love if he saw it. His gaze sharpened as he watched the way the sunlight from the window played on Ino's hair while they both lay in bed. These lazy morning moments before they both got up to start their day was one of his favorite parts of living with her.

"That's so romantic," she said dreamily, looking off in the distance and apparently fantasizing about her perfect drag romance.

Sai frowned thoughtfully. It wasn't the type of romance that he'd read about, but Sai was nothing if not able to assimilate new information and add it to his arsenal. Reaching a conclusion, Sai leaned slightly forward and said, "I own a very pretty dress, you know."

She began to laugh at him, and though it wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, something about the soft way that she looked at him made him feel like she wasn't being mean. He amended his earlier thought—sometimes he did know love when he saw it.

"Isn't it time for you to go and give your report?" Ino asked, placing her hand on his cheek and sweeping the pad of her thumb over his cheekbone.

"Yes," Sai answered simply, touching her hand with his own before rolling onto his other side and getting out of bed. He'd arrived home from the mission late the night before to a note from Naruto telling him that he could report in the morning. Grateful for the chance to get some sleep and see Ino, he'd gone straight home, and he now felt refreshed and more than prepared to report what had happened on the mission.

Once he'd finished getting dressed, he returned to give Ino a kiss goodbye—something that took a little longer than expected when she abruptly pulled him back into the bed with her. A few long moments later, with his hair slightly mussed, Sai left, dressed in his usual outfit and carrying a certain sparkly necklace in his pocket.

Within ten minutes, he was entering the Hokage Tower, prepared to share the video files that were held inside the necklace. As he entered Naruto's office, he saw that Naruto and Shikamaru were already there—but, even more interesting, Sakura and Kakashi were there, as well.

Now that Sai knew about their secret relationship, he noticed things he hadn't before. Like the way they stood fractionally closer together than they used to, or the little smile Sakura gave Kakashi when she thought nobody was looking. Sai shifted his gaze to Naruto to see if he noticed, but Naruto was clasping his hands together and looking at Sai expectantly. "Did you bring the recording?"

"Yes," Sai replied, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the necklace. Sakura and Kakashi looked at him with faintly perplexed expressions.

"Excellent," Naruto answered, his smile a devious one. "I think it's time for everyone to give their report."

Apparently, Naruto wanted them to all report together. Thinking about what the video contained, Sai raised his eyebrows slightly.

This was going to be interesting.

* * *

Sakura took little notice when Sai had entered the room and taken the spot beside where she and Kakashi stood in Naruto's office. They'd all arrived to Konoha late the night before, and though she had followed Kakashi home and fallen straight into bed, she still felt like she hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"Good morning, everyone," Naruto said brightly from his place behind his desk. His eyes were alight with mischief and he looked like he was hiding a grin. Normally, that would have made Sakura suspicious, but right now she was too tired to care, and so she barely paid attention as Naruto addressed Kakashi and asked, "So, how did it go? I assume you were able to infiltrate the target's hideout?"

"Everything went according to plan. The target, as well as his associates, were apprehended by ANBU with no bloodshed," Kakashi answered in a voice that did little to disguise how bored he was.

"Good," Naruto said with an air of finality, as the grin he'd been struggling to hide finally broke through. "Now we can get to the good part. Sai, give your report."

Sakura glanced at Sai, watching him cross the room toward a mobile TV stand that she'd only just noticed. She assumed Naruto must have had it wheeled in for the occasion. Sai removed a sparkly, sapphire-like necklace from his pocket and, oddly, connected it to the TV via a small wire. Sakura frowned—there was something strangely familiar about that necklace. "What is that?" she asked.

"Sai had a little extra mission," Naruto answered with a toothy grin.

"What do you mean? A mission besides retrieving the target once we'd infiltrated the hideout?" Sakura asked, fully awake now as she exchanged a glance with Kakashi. He looked just as confused as her.

"He means that I was sent to infiltrate the club and record your performance," Sai responded blithely, and suddenly the television was showing the curtained stage of the Snatched Wig, and the host drag queen was introducing some dirty dancing from "Setsuko" and "Masaaki".

"No," Kakashi said, his voice filled with dread.

"Naruto—" Sakura began threateningly, as a familiar song began playing.

"I'd like to remind you that this video is official evidence, and destroying it would be a crime," Naruto said gleefully, not taking his eyes off the screen as the spotlights went on and illuminated Kakashi and Sakura. His jaw dropped. "Kakashi-sensei, your mask—"

Sakura turned in time to see a pained look in Kakashi's eyes as Naruto saw him, not only in drag, but completely unmasked—well, except for the makeup. Suddenly, Sakura was furious, and she was turning back toward that infinitely smashable television when Kakashi's hand closed around her wrist.

"Let me go, I'm going to put a stop to this," Sakura protested, even as Naruto began to howl with laughter at the dancing figures on the screen.

"He won, Sakura," Kakashi said wearily. "We can't hide it." Sakura frowned, but she eventually stopped trying to pull away. Kakashi released her wrist, and they both looked on mournfully as Naruto slapped his thighs and exclaimed over the hilarity of what he was watching.

They were forced to watch the whole thing. All of them: Sakura, sullen and angry. Kakashi, silent and brooding. Sai, blandly amused. Shikamaru, vaguely interested. And of course, Naruto, who was gasping for breath when he wasn't screaming about this being the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

"How did you even get all of this?" Sakura hissed toward Sai. "I didn't see you in the audience."

"I was in disguise," Sai replied with a somewhat wooden smile, and something clicked in Sakura's brain.

That sapphire necklace, that smile... Sakura knew that she'd seen them both before, but where? It was driving her mad trying to make the connection.

"This is amazing, Sai," Naruto gasped, wiping tears from his eyes as the on-screen performance finished, the music replaced with the sound of applause. "I'm going to watch that whenever I'm feeling sad," he continued with distinct delight.

Sakura's mind was still turning. The sapphire necklace—that was the key. Sakura remembered seeing it, and for some reason she felt like she'd seen it with a blue, slinky dress...

And that's when she remembered.

"Actually, Hokage-sama," Sai was saying, "that's not the only footage I took that night. You did tell me to film _everything_."

Sakura whipped her head toward Kakashi, her voice urgent. "He was the drag queen in the blue dress. The one outside the door." A beat passed, and then Kakashi's eyes widened as he comprehended what she was telling him, and what it meant.

Naruto had perked up at the promise of more video. "There's more? Was there a second performance later?"

"You could say that," Sai responded, uncharacteristically hesitant.

"Well, let's see it!" Naruto said cheerfully, reaching to fast forward, but before he could do so, there was a blur of movement from Kakashi, and a kunai was suddenly sticking through the broken pieces of the necklace. The quickness of the action made Sakura gasp, even as Naruto cried out in dismay as the television went black.

Naruto wheeled toward Kakashi, his arms gesturing wildly as he cried, "Kakashi-sensei! What was I _just_ saying about evidence!"

Although the threat was removed, Kakashi wasn't back to his normally aloof self. He was tense, his eyes serious. "What came after that was not a performance, Hokage-sama," he said formally, without even a trace of the usual sarcastic tone that he used whenever referring to Naruto by his formal title.

Naruto blinked. "What? What was it?" When Kakashi didn't answer, Naruto turned his eyes toward Sakura. "Sakura-chan? What happened?"

There was a long, silent moment, where neither Sakura nor Kakashi responded.

"Damn it!" Naruto finally exploded. "Someone had better tell me what's going on! Sai!" Naruto pointed a finger at Sai. "Tell me what was on that video!"

In a surprising show of emotion, Sai visibly swallowed, his eyes flicking from Kakashi to Sakura before returning to Naruto. "I followed them backstage, but they disappeared into their private dressing room. I stayed outside for some time before the owner came through and slammed the door open."

"Sai—" Sakura began, in the kind of growling voice that told Sai that continuing would be bad for his health.

Shikamaru, who was, for once, completely absorbed in what was going on, amusedly quipped, "No threatening the witness."

"Go on, Sai," Naruto urged.

"Through the door, I was able to see that they were..." Sai paused, avoiding everyone's eyes as he looked toward the ceiling. "...in a state of undress," he finally finished, in a somewhat contemplative voice.

A strangled snort came from Shikamaru's desk, and Sakura glared at him as he covered a grin with his hand. Shifting her gaze to Kakashi, she found that he'd returned to his usual slouch, as if he'd decided to accept his fate and could no longer be bothered to react.

"They were in a dressing room, of course they were undressed!" Naruto snapped. "What's the big deal?"

"They were undressed in a way that allowed for... activities," Sai continued, being more discreet than Sakura had ever seen him be, and Shikamaru began to laugh, dropping his hand from his face.

"What's so funny? What activities?" Naruto growled, flailing his arms in his exasperation.

"I think that Sai means to say that Sakura and Kakashi were being intimate with each other," Shikamaru said, finally composing himself.

"...What?" Naruto asked in a confused voice. Kakashi closed his eyes briefly, and Sakura turned her head away, suddenly unable to look at Naruto as he continued, "Sakura-chan... and Kakashi-sensei? Is that true?" His voice hummed with some repressed emotion.

Kakashi cleared his throat, one hand creeping up to rub at the back of his head. "Maa—" he began.

Knowing from his tone that Naruto was probably close to flying off the handle, Sakura held up a hand and said, "Naruto, let's not make this into some big deal—"

There was a crackle of energy in the air as Naruto closed the distance between him and Kakashi in a split second, his hands fisting in Kakashi's flak jacket and yanking him closer as he snarled, "You're her teacher!"

Kakashi tried to begin again. "About that—"

"You're being ridiculous!" Sakura interrupted, snapping at Naruto.

"I am not!" Naruto retorted, glaring at her as Kakashi continued to attempt to look casual as he dangled from Naruto's hands. "It's gross to date your teacher!"

"He hasn't been my teacher in over a decade!" Sakura bit out. "Let him go, Naruto!"

That fact seemed to give Naruto pause, but then he jerked Kakashi closer to him again, scowling. "You're old!" he said with a triumphant stare, looking as if he was sure that was a winning argument.

"Well, I suppose—" Kakashi started.

"He is not!" Sakura interrupted again, completely ignoring Kakashi's continued attempts to talk.

"He's, what, twenty years older than you?" Naruto challenged.

Sakura's hands fisted by her sides. "It's fourteen years, and who the hell cares?"

"He's taking advantage of you!" Naruto insisted.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Sakura shot back in a voice that was almost a shriek.

"He's old and you're _kinda_ young and it's—" Naruto began to go off again, but this time it was Kakashi who interrupted.

"I love her," he said calmly. He said it like it was no big deal, like he was talking about the weather.

There was a long moment of silence as the conversation screeched to a halt, and every set of eyes in the room homed in on him.

And then all hell broke loose.


	9. And You've Got A Romance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter! I really appreciate you all coming along for the ride and encouraging me to write this ridiculous story. I had a lot of fun!
> 
> Thank you always to Nyxako and k waifu for being amazing betas, and a special thank you to Atwistedstory for giving me the idea for the last scene. 
> 
> Reminder: "Lady Danger" is the name of a bright red M.A.C. lipstick.

"I love her," Kakashi said calmly. He said it like it was no big deal, like he was talking about the weather.

There was a long moment of silence as the conversation screeched to a halt, and every set of eyes in the room homed in on him.

And then all hell broke loose.

_"What?"_ Naruto gaped. "What did you— _what?_ "

"Ah! Interesting," Sai said thoughtfully.

"Shit," Shikamaru baldly stated, his generally lazy expression taking on a stunned quality.

Sakura was sure that she looked even more stunned than Shikamaru. Naruto kept exclaiming, Sai began analyzing, and Shikamaru was staring at Kakashi with surprise, but all Sakura could hear was a rushing sound in her hears. She slowly lifted a hand and pressed it to her chest, even as every other pair of eyes in the room landed on her—every pair of eyes but one. Kakashi was aimlessly staring out the window, as if he had nothing better to do than watch the birds.

She didn't even remember closing the distance between them. She was just suddenly there, in front of a slightly startled Kakashi, with her hand fisted in his vest, like Naruto's had been only moments before. Turning, she abruptly began to pull him out of the room, in spite of his surprise and Naruto's protests.

Sakura dragged him out of the office and into the nearby stairwell, with Naruto, Sai, and a reluctant Shikamaru following. When she and Kakashi burst through the double doors to the stairwell, Sakura turned and kicked them shut in Naruto's face. Without hesitation, she turned and wrenched a guard rail off the wall, sliding it through the door handles and effectively blocking the door. Whirling, she faced Kakashi again.

His eyes were wide as she stomped toward him and grabbed his vest again, her other hand reaching up to pull down his mask. Kakashi, meanwhile, nervously raised both of his hands but just kind of let them awkwardly hang in the air, as if he were afraid of actually trying to stop her. Smart man. Once his deceptively calm expression was exposed to her, she studied his face for a moment before speaking.

"What did you say?" Sakura asked, in a voice that she'd intended to be confident and bold, but it just came out as an almost-whisper.

"Well—" Kakashi began, his eyes creeping off to the side like he was looking for a way to escape, with none of the confidence he'd had as Setsuko. She tugged on his vest and he looked back at her again, and whatever he saw in her eyes made his own grow more serious. His hands finally dropped to rest gingerly on her hips, and when he answered her, his voice was just as soft. "I love you, Sakura."

Sakura could hear the sound of Naruto's fists pounding on the other side of the heavy double doors, and the quieter sound of Shikamaru trying to calm him down. The bar managed to hold, however, and Sakura ignored the thuds, letting them drift away beneath the rushing sound that she'd identified as the thundering of her heart in her ears. Kakashi had a guarded look on his face, and it dawned on Sakura that he was actually nervous about what her response would be.

"Kakashi—" she began in a whisper, but she was drowned out by Naruto's indistinct hollering on the other side of the door. "Kakashi—" she began again in a louder, slightly irritated voice, but she was fully interrupted by the sound of the doors being hit with more force, and this time the bar snapped clean in two, both doors breaking as they crashed open.

Naruto looked pleased with himself as he shoved his way through the broken pieces of the doors. Behind him was a harried-looking Shikamaru, a curious-looking Sai, and some tense ANBU who appeared to be unsure as to whether there was a threat or not. Sakura turned away from Kakashi, who had quickly replaced his mask, and glared at Naruto as she demanded, " _What_ is your problem?"

"You can't just leave after something like that!" Naruto yelled back, completely ignoring the fact that they were now in public.

"Why not?" Sakura ground out, trying to keep her voice low.

"Because—" Naruto stopped, blinking. Apparently, he hadn't actually been prepared to defend himself. Appearing to finally think of something, he stabbed the air with his finger and stated, "Because I want to know what happens!"

"This has gotten out of hand. We really need to get back to work," Shikamaru said, and was roundly ignored.

"I would also like to know what happens," Sai added placidly.

"Shut up, Sai!" Sakura hissed at Sai, who leaned back slightly. "Don't think I've forgotten what you did!" Turning her wrath back toward Naruto, she placed her hands on her hips and barked, "And you! None of this would have happened if it weren't for your stupid drag mission, so I don't even want to hear you complain."

"But, Sakura-chan..." Naruto whined.

"How are we going to know if you love him, too?" Sai inquired. Naruto nodded earnestly, and Shikamaru threw his hands up in disgust.

"Of course I love him," Sakura snapped without thinking. "Don't be an idiot. If you would all just leave us alone—"

Naruto let out a dramatic gasp as she accidentally confessed. Behind him, Sai looked on with great interest, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes, apparently over the whole thing. Sakura, however, didn't get a chance to finish her thought, because Kakashi decided to take matters into his own hands—he put his arms around her from behind, his hands a blur as he formed several familiar seals.

In a moment, they both vanished.

* * *

Sai was unsurprised when Kakashi teleported himself and Sakura away, having expected something like that from the moment the subject had turned to his and Sakura's illicit relationship. He also wasn't surprised that Naruto was unprepared to let things go.

"I can't believe they just left like that! And I can't believe they've been—" Finally seeming to realize that they were in public, Naruto looked from side to side and then loudly whispered, "— _having sex._ "

Shikamaru, who had a pained expression on his face, said, "Well, _I_ can't believe we're still having this conversation. Can we go back in the office now?"

Naruto sighed and started walking back to his office, and Shikamaru and Sai followed. The ANBU who had appeared when they'd all burst out of the office faded back into the shadows, still looking rather tense, and Sai spared a moment to pity the ninja who had such onerous jobs as guarding the ever-excitable Seventh Hokage. Still, that's what ANBU agents were for, and there were certainly worse assignments. None that he could think of right now, but they had to exist.

"This isn't over," Naruto said as he reached his desk, slapping a hand down on the top of it. "Shikamaru, I need you to come up with a new drag mission as soon as possible."

Shikamaru looked like he wanted to say several very, very bad words. "Why? You already saw their performance, isn't that what you wanted?"

Naruto frowned sulkily. "It's not the same as being there. This time I'm going myself. Besides, they've apparently been having fun on these missions, so this one needs to be _really_ embarrassing."

"Absolutely not—" began an exasperated Shikamaru, but Sai missed the rest as he slipped out the double doors of the office and into the hallway.

Sai was ready for this mission to be over, and he definitely didn't want to stick around and give Naruto any ideas about including him on the next mission. More importantly, he was ready to get home to Ino—after all, he'd just witnessed the Sixth Hokage confessing his love for Ino's closest friend.

That meant that, for once, he was the one with excellent gossip—and he couldn't wait to see the look on Ino's face when he told her.

* * *

A little over half an hour later, Sakura gave a sated smile as Kakashi collapsed on his bed beside her, both of them panting and slick with sweat. Lying bonelessly on his side, Kakashi gave her a lazy smile in return. Admitting their feelings for each other had led to some very enthusiastic displays of said feelings, and Sakura couldn't remember ever feeling more content than she did in that moment.

Sighing happily, Sakura let her eyes drift shut, only to hear Kakashi speak up: "So. None of this would have happened if it weren't for Naruto's drag mission, hm?"

Sakura's eyes flew open and she immediately began to protest. "That's not what I meant, I—" She broke off when she saw the amused smirk on Kakashi's face. He really did enjoy seeing her panic, the sadist. "Stop messing with me!"

"You only love me because I look good in a dress, don't you?" Kakashi asked in an injured voice that Sakura did not, for a second, believe.

Rolling her eyes, Sakura still smiled as she retorted, "Why? Do you only love me because I look good with a beard?"

Kakashi's expression became thoughtful as he replied, "I suppose the beard wasn't too bad, but the suit was fantastic."

Sakura laughed. "It doesn't even bother you to admit that, does it? I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I like guys in dresses."

"Maybe you're more attracted to feminine things than you thought," Kakashi mused, rolling onto his back and stretching. His gaze slid back toward her before he teased, "Maybe we'll have to bring another woman home one of these nights."

Sakura surprised herself by teasing back, "Maybe. I get to pick who."

Kakashi blinked. "I didn't expect that to actually work."

She grinned a little at him. "It's either that or get you in a dress again."

Kakashi snorted. "That's not going to happen. Not voluntarily—so, not unless Naruto sends us on another 'special mission.'"

Sakura groaned as she dramatically threw an arm over her eyes. "Oh god. Don't even joke about that. We can't let that happen."

That was enough to make Kakashi roll back toward her, and there was a slightly feral gleam in his eye as he smiled at her. "I had an idea about that, actually..."

* * *

Naruto woke slowly to the irritating feeling of something brushing at his lip. He turned his head, annoyed, but the brushing sensation just came back again, and now he was aware of a strange tackiness to his mouth. There was a flash of light that crept in through his eyelids, and a soft giggle, and he finally blearily opened his eyes, blinking.

The first thing he noticed was the sight of Kakashi sitting beside him on the bed, his eyes creased with amusement above his mask as he slowly twisted a bright red lipstick back into its tube. When he saw that Naruto was awake, he said, "Good morning, _Lady Danger._ " Beside him, Sakura giggled again, taking another picture with the camera she held.

Naruto tried to bolt up, and soon discovered that his hands were tied tightly to the sides of the bed. He wasn't able to access his chakra, either—he guessed that whatever was tying him down wasn't just normal rope. "What the hell—"

"Shhh," Kakashi said soothingly, his eyes still creasing in a smile. "It took a lot of bribes to make this happen—you don't even want to know what we promised Hinata—so just shut up and let me show you something." Before Naruto could answer, Kakashi held a mirror up in front of his face.

Naruto blinked owlishly at his reflection. His eyes were lined in thick, dramatic black eyeliner and false lashes, his cheeks were colored with bright pink blush, and his lips were painted a bright red—"Lady Danger", no doubt. Naruto gasped at the sight, watching as his own ridiculously made-up reflection registered his surprise. There was a bright flash again as the camera's shutter clicked.

"Hey!" Naruto yelled. "Stop taking pictures!"

"Hokage-sama?" came the voice of one of his ANBU detail at the door, presumably alerted by the noise. Kakashi snapped his fingers in front of Naruto's face, and Naruto focused on him again.

"Nobody ever has to see these pictures—as long as you never send us on another drag mission again," Kakashi promised, his eyes hard.

Finally understanding what was happening, Naruto pouted. "Aww, c'mon guys. I was gonna send a clone this time so I could really watch—"

"We'll post these pictures everywhere," Sakura growled, interrupting. "We'll put them on billboards." The knocking at the door was becoming more insistent.

Naruto scoffed. "So what?"

"In _every_ village," Sakura emphasized with a glare.

Naruto swallowed—okay, that was probably a problem. Anything that could compromise his international reputation could have serious consequences for Konoha. Finally giving in, he whined, "Fine. I won't send you on any more drag missions."

Kakashi stood. "Excellent."

"...unless it's needed for the safety of the village," Naruto added.

"Billboards. In. Every. Village," Sakura gritted out. There was a loud thud as whoever was on the other side of the door tried to break it down.

"Fine, fine! I won't do it! I promise! Hey—where are you going? You have to untie me!" Naruto yelled, even as Kakashi and Sakura both slipped out the window. At the same time, the ANBU agent finally broke down the door and slid into the room.

"Hokage-sama!" the fox-masked ANBU exclaimed. "Are you all right? I—" His voice trailed off into a squeak of surprised laughter as he took in the sight of Naruto, tied to a bed and wearing a face full of makeup.

"Get your ass over here and untie me, Shiranui," Naruto growled.

"Yes, ma'am." Genma snickered quietly as he went to untie him. Naruto grumbled the whole time.

Half an hour later, once it was just Naruto and Hinata again, he startled her badly by bursting out of the bathroom, his face streaked with the makeup that had refused to come off with his usual soap. Pointing to his face, he hysterically asked, "How the hell do you get this off?"

A giggling Hinata took pity on him. There was little doubt that she filed away the memory of him looking so ridiculous—something like a geisha on a walk of shame—as she took him to the bathroom to help him clean his face.

By the time they were done, Naruto had sworn to himself that he would never, ever, send Kakashi and Sakura on a drag mission again.

…Probably.


End file.
